A spouse with a narcissistic personality can make it much more troublesome to get a divorce in Colorado. You must learn how to deal with them and how to approach the process so that you come out with your financial and emotional health intact.
If you are looking into divorce after enduring a narcissistic husband or wife for some time, we at Goldman Law first commend you for recognizing the need to take a stand. Many spouses are unfortunately manipulated into staying in toxic marriages, or they attempt to break free but soon give up because the process becomes too strenuous.
To help you succeed in your divorce from a narcissistic spouse, here are some lawyer-approved tips:
Keep your emotions in check.
Narcissists have no regard for the feelings of others. They can only see the situation revolving around themselves and they feel entitled to anything. In a divorce case, a narcissistic spouse will likely portray themselves as the victim. It’s vital for you to avoid reacting emotionally and getting into heated confrontations with them. This reaction might paint you as the unreasonable aggressor.
Assert your independence.
To get the compliance that they feel entitled to, a narcissist will use manipulative tactics in a relationship. They may make it feel like they’re rescuing you from something (such as, “I’m trying to save us” or “You are making a mistake”). They might play up your fears or discomfort if you don’t go their way. They also commonly do what is known as “gaslighting,” where they lie or ‘stretch’ facts to suit their narrative, making you question what you know is true.
Be ready to face stronger manipulation attempts during your divorce. Your spouse will likely try to hijack the proceedings to get you to agree with them again. To avoid this, set concrete goals for yourself – such as how you want to handle your property and what you envision for your children – and don’t let your spouse talk you into giving up these goals. If you feel that you can’t resist being manipulated, it might be best that you don’t communicate with your spouse directly and instead let your lawyer do the talking for you.
Start gathering evidence as early as possible.
Before filing for a divorce, start documenting all you can and compile materials that may be relevant in your case. This way, when your spouse tells lies or when assets ‘go missing,’ you’ll have proof of what is the truth. You’ll also have a head start in preserving evidence before your spouse realizes you are seeking a divorce.
Evidence you’ll want to safeguard include:
- Bank statements (sole and joint accounts)
- Real estate documents
- Tax returns (if possible, from at least the past three years)
- Insurance documents
- Lines of credit
- Retirement accounts
- Pay stubs
- Vehicle registrations and titles
- Documentation of valuable jewelry, antiques, art, and the like
- Birth certificates, passport, marriage certificate
- Estate plans such as last wills and trusts
- Documentation of your personal inheritance
- Police reports of incidents involving your spouse, if any
- Relevant communication such as texts and emails.
Prepare for a messy trial.
Narcissists want to win at any cost – they likely won’t play fair during divorce. Anticipate your spouse to push the divorce to a contentious trial just to make it difficult for you to stand your ground.
You’ll want to build yourself up long before this messy process begins. Start talking to lawyers early on. Plan your finances for the divorce process and for your post-divorce life (talk to your attorney about how you can legally set aside some money). Set up measures for your children’s wellbeing during and after the divorce process.
Arm yourself with a professional help.
Having a skilled and experienced attorney in divorcing a narcissist. A case needs a sharp strategy, especially since your spouse may employ shrewd methods to stay dominant.
Apart from a lawyer, you can also consult with a financial advisor or a tax consultant to help you protect your finances. If you need some emotional support and guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out to a counselor or a divorce coach. It’s paramount that you stay mentally and emotionally strong as you face this difficult episode on your way to independence.
We at Goldman Law are ready to help you get through any challenging divorce in Colorado. We’ve handled extremely complicated cases, obtaining favorable outcomes for our clients and helping them achieve freedom. Talk to us about your situation with a narcissistic partner. Call us today at (303) 656-9529.